Moving On...

 Dear Friends...

I wanted to post to let you know that I have started writing for a publication called Treasure Valley Prays. Early in the pandemic lockdown, the ELCA pastors and leaders developed this website as a way to gather in a new way as we could not gather in person. This effort has been a wonderful growth opportunity for me and requires all of my creative juices so I haven't been doing my regular blog posts lately. The webpage is a beautiful source of spiritual strength and good ideas--please visit at:

Treasure Valley Prays 

If you'd like, please visit my page within TV Prays here:

Treasure Valley Prays--Heidi Gainan

The Next Thing

 "Wisdom consists in doing the next thing you have to do, doing it with your whole heart, and finding delight in doing it."

Meister Eckhart, (as quoted on Pray-As-You-Go)

If that isn't just what I needed this morning! Much as the lesson of the labyrinth, I need to take this crazy time one step at a time. If I overthink everything, which I tend to do regularly, I will miss the beauty of NOW. And all my fretting and stewing about later won't do any good anyway. I waste time trying to figure out the Bigger Picture when it is not mine to figure out. Each day at school is still a mystery. Each time I walk into our little para quarters something is different, much like the tasks  and events of the day. I arrive at noon, so that means there's been a whole morning of shenanigans before I get there! I laughed out loud when I walked in and saw my coworkers using a PE mat between their work spaces to cut down on the sound, as we are all on Google Meets, sometimes concurrently. If I sit and try to anticipate all the twists and turns of the labyrinthian day ahead, I'll work myself into a real lather. Instead, like, wise mystic Meister Eckhart says, I only need to do the very next thing with all my heart, and find delight doing it. I need to be pliable, open and willing to do that next thing. And, having that kind of breeziness about it all, will give me and everyone around me more delight! Blessings on your final August weekend! Love, heidi

The dry bones...

 "The hand of the Lord came upon me, and he brought me out by the spirit of the Lord and set me down in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones; there were many lying in the valley and they were very dry."

Ezekiel 37:1-2

Doesn't it feel like we are living in a "dry bones" time right now? We may feel tired and dry prayer-wise and our lives are so topsy-turvy we may feel life-less. There feels like much "less" of life right now for so many. And yet, God takes Ezekiel to this creepy field and tells him to prophesy over the dry bones. Tell them I will raise them, love them and care for them, God says. As I prayed with this reading, I pictured the ominous visions we see each day--the pictures of the busy ICUs with people desperately working to save others. I picture the empty classrooms at our school; the faces of students only present in little boxes on a monitor. I picture empty stadiums and ballparks, the empty fairgrounds where the fair was to be this week. I picture the sad faces of people who cannot provide for their families due to job loss. But God reminds me in my prayer that we are beloved. God will cause breath and life to raise us out of this difficult time and set us aright again. I can't help notice how God involves Ezekiel! God wanted Ezekiel to be part of this huge healing project. Ezekiel had a role to play in the dry bones coming to life. As do we. What is our part in the healing of this dry bones time? What words of life can we speak over our dry day? What encouragement and positivity can we bring to any situation we may be in? The field of dry bones comes to life at Ezekiel's prophetic words and God's breath. I feel so strongly that this dry bones field of 2020 will do the same. Let's listen for the words of God tell us what we are to do to help care for and restore each other. Love, heidi

No Fear!

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid, for the Lord is my strength and my might; God has become my salvation."

Isaiah 12:2

This is so what I'm feeling these days. We started working at school this week and school officially begins Monday. We are beginning online, which seems wise, since we have an uptick in virus here. There is excitement in the air, but also a  bit of foreboding. When I ask someone how they're doing, they may say "Fine, you?" Or they may cloud over a bit and say, "I'm OK. Not great." I mentioned to a coworker as we made copies in the workroom, "Didn't we take 'normal' for granted all that time we had it?" Wouldn't normal feel good about now? Starting online takes much of the exciting air out of the school-starting balloon. It feels a bit deflated. But! Good thing I read this today, because I can take it to heart all day. I will trust and not be afraid. I will relax (a bit) in strength gleaned from God. I trust that I am right where God wants me, doing what God wants me to do. Since God got me into this, God will give me whatever I need to navigate it for the kids' sake. Oh, how I wish we could see them in person--their new school shoes, shiny faces, and newly-acquired summer height. Until then, we need to trust that God is guiding the scientists and Smart People who are working on this...I will trust and not be afraid...Love, heidi

I Give You My Heart...

 "Lord I give you my heart, I give you my soul. 

I live for you alone.

Every breath that I take every moment I'm awake,

Lord, have your way in me."

Reuben Morgan, "I Give You My Heart"

My first day of retreat, the first line of this song ran through my head. Now, mind you, I hadn't sung this song or even heard it for at least ten years! In fact, I was trying to fill in the gaps of it and kept getting the tune mixed up with a pop song. But, the first line was worth investigating because it said exactly how I felt that first day at Marymount. Thanks to Spotify, I found it and prayed with it all week! It was such a gift to be able to put my feelings into a song--well, I didn't, but Reuben Morgan did and I thank him from the bottom of my heart! I invite you to click the link below and listen to this splendid version by Chris Bethel of "I Give You My Heart." Take a minute or two to pray with this song and just give your heart away...to the One who holds and cherishes it. Love, heidi

I Give You My Heart

The power of waiting...

"Never underestimate the power of simply waiting for grace."

Sr. Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB, "Abide" (as quoted in Give Us This Day)

This is so true and doesn't it feel like what we are living through right now? Simply waiting...and waiting. For things to get better, for the virus to slow down, for our jobs to start, for things to return to something closer to normal. It's so hard to know what to do during this waiting time, too. I'm more of a do-er than a wait-er. All this waiting around can be very uncomfortable for me! But, as Sr. Macrina says, there is power in the waiting. The waiting hones us and prepares us, like the crystallis gives the future butterfly the time to get strong and be able to survive outside. This time is beneficial for us, even as it may feel it isn't. When I think of all that has gone on since March, it feels like three years instead of a few months. But we don't know the extent of the good that is happening deep within. There is deep good happening and we need to simply trust God that it is true. Our second reading today was St. Paul to the Romans, "...nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God." (Romans 8:39) Good to know! Even this difficult time is not capable of separating us from the love of God. God loves us all the more--that the one thing we needn't fret about.

Friends, I feel I want to apologize to you for being fairly absent this summer. It's not that I'm not doing the readings, or praying, or any-of-it. It has been hard to try to always be a positive voice through all of this and I believe positive voices are needed. I can get discouraged and frustrated with all that is going on and passing that along seems rather unhelpful. I'm headed up to Marymount tomorrow for five days of deep peace and contemplation. You will all be in my prayers and I hope to return with good stuff to share in future posts. For those you don't know, I have been writing for Treasure Valley Prays, a rich offering by the ELCA community here in the Treasure Valley...the link to the site is here:

Treasure Valley Prays

My love and prayers, heidi

Be like the kids...

"At that time Jesus exclaimed: 'I give praise to you Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed the to the childlike.'"
Matthew 11:25

I am so grateful to have a pack of kids who live in my apartment complex. I sit in the treehouse in the evenings and hear them down in the grassy courtyard below. It reminds me of when I was a kid, playing outside after dinner, playing so hard that I slept in a stupor, never requiring a sleep aid! One day one of the kids called out to me, she said she recognized me from Hawthorne, the elementary school where I work. It was surprising because Hawthorne is in a completely different neighborhood; our complex is served by a different school, but no matter. She told the rest of the pack, "Ms. G goes to MY school!" Since I'd been discovered I started reading little stories to the pack in the courtyard. I still have a box of books from reading online with kids during those last months of school, so I just grab a story and gather the pack. These kids are so fresh and dear. They are always open to reading with me. Their wide eyes and open hearts just touch me. This is probably what Jesus saw in kids when he told his followers to be more like them. Be open and fresh. Be willing to change plans if someone wants to read you a story. Be free to play until you collapse in a heap at the end of the day. Be inquisitive and curious. I miss the kids at school so much, but I'm so grateful to have a pack right here to remind me how I need to live my life. Love, heidi

Justice like flowing waters...

"Let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an overflowing stream."
Amos 5:24

God is telling the people, through the prophet Amos, that the sacrifices and rituals aren't doing it for God anymore. They may have been OK in the past, but what God REALLY desires is that the people treat each other better. God is surely saying that to us today, don't you think? It's not enough that we go to church. We need to BE church to each other--welcoming, embracing, comforting, healing. If we do sacrifice anything to please God, something must show up in the pocket of the poor and those on the margins. Amos said this many years ago and we are still just learning it (hopefully, we're learning it!) Richard Rohr said something the other day that really stuck with me. We are to love God and love what God loves--which is everything (Richard Rohr, Daily Meditation, 6/29). As we struggle to do that in our lives, God is happier than if we merely go to church and try to save ourselves. I watched a wonderful documentary called "Bobby Kennedy for President" on Netflix. After the credits rolled and the tears dried on my face I thought, we are in just as troubled space as we were in 1968! I was inspired to want to dig in and DO something! That is a hero, for all his flaws and missteps, Bobby Kennedy saw wrong and tried to right it, like in his famous phrase. Can I do that? Can I speak up, roll up my sleeves and work so justice rolls down like waters? It's a tall order, I know. God will show us the way! Love, heidi

John the Baptist

"What, then, will this child be? For surely the hand of the Lord was with him."
Luke 1:66

I know they are referring to John the Baptist in this passage, but I can't help but remember having the same thoughts when our kids were born. "What then, will this child be?" Now, that the Larsens are all grown up, I realize I couldn't have imagined the interesting lives they would grow into and the awesome people they would turn out to be. It all happens so fast, doesn't it? It seems like once they got into school it was just a flurry of school years and, suddenly, they are adults and picking up the check at the restaurant! Just like John the Baptist, I was an only child of older parents, so I can appreciate how the guy was under a lot of pressure to make the folks proud. But I love the way he did his own thing. He did it with passion and vigor until it was time for him to step aside and let Jesus take over. He wasn't the Real Deal. He was a precursor of the Real Deal but he realized he needed to decrease so Jesus could increase. Believe me, that is a hard lesson for an only child to learn, too! But, as parents of adults, we step aside so our kids can take the lead roles, don't we? Today, let's think about the hand of the Lord that was certainly on John and is certainly upon us, and our kids as well. From before our actual existence, God has loved us. Does knowing that help us plan our day? Hopefully, it encourages us to get out there and love others! Love, heidi

What can one person do?

"Love your enemies..."
Matthew 5:44

This is yesterday's Gospel, I realize, but I'm still chewing on it so please bear with me. There are years this Gospel has come around and I sit and ask myself if I even have any enemies. I try to work and play well with others and there are years I pronounce myself "enemy free!" Other times, like yesterday, I give it a really good think. We are so polarized in our country that it feels like I actually may have enemies. Those beyond the borders of my opinions can feel like enemies during times like these, when anger and emotions are running hot. It's easy to choose a side and then plant ourselves there--it's comfortable and has a nice view so I'm not budging. It's also easy to feel so overwhelmed by the magnitude of the problem that we feel helpless to do anything to fix it. These are the same problems our country has dealt with for centuries and they don't seem to be getting better. What can I, one person, possibly do?

Then I saw a news report about a woman, here in Boise, who was sitting on the patio of a restaurant, waiting for her friend to arrive. There were others dining on the patio as well, spaced out according to social distancing and all that. Suddenly a car drives by a the driver spews out a racial insult to the woman sitting on her own. Others looked up, alarmed, and she froze in her seat. The driver sped away. What happened next will be in my mind for a long time. What happened next was nothing. None of the other diners who had heard the word and saw the person the word was addressed to did or said anything to her. Now, this is Boise, where a few days before, many, many people had gathered in solidarity for a vigil honoring George Floyd. There are awakened people here in Boise (that's why I moved here!) but, at that moment, no one there said anything. The woman said the silence was painful. I have thought about this constantly since I saw it on the news. What would I have done? Dearest God, I hope I would have gotten up and gone over to the woman. I hope I would have stepped out of myself a tiny bit to acknowledge her pain right then. I hope I would have comforted her and let her know that it was a horrible thing that driver did. I'm always praising silence as an answer for many ills, but not in this case. In cases like these, we are called to speak up. It's time for us to ask ourselves honest questions. Yes, the situation as a whole seems overwhelming, but it can hit as close to home as a restaurant patio on a summer evening. It's a vast country-wide issue, but it can also be a person-to-person issue. I invite you to watch the news report (link below) and pray with this. One person can actually do quite a bit, if they just will. Love, heidi
Person-to-person

Just like Elijah...

..."but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave."
1 Kings 19:12-13

I can easily relate to this reading today since I just returned from four days standing at "the entrance of the cave," like Elijah. I was sitting on the porch of my own little hermitage, however, at Marymount Hermitage. I heard the sound of sheer silence; I could hear the sound of my own heart beating at times! It was (and always is) a profoundly beautiful experience. What does God say, you may wonder, in all that time sitting on the porch? God says the same thing God always says, "I love you." God says it all the time, no matter where I happen to be, but I tend to hear it better at the hermitage, in the sheer silence. It is the song the birds sing, and the crickets chirp. The tiny little lizard sits in the sun with me on the porch and his little eyes blink the message to me. "God loves you." It's in the dance of the sage grouse, the male chasing the female down the road bellowing his crazy "come on now!" Everything there is relaying God's message of love to me, and I just bask in it. This message of love is so needed in our world today, but we need to hear it and then pass it on. So I'm passing it on here. God loves us more than we can ever imagine. God is with us in these days of difficulty and struggle. God props us up and gives us what we need to do the work. But, sometimes, it is good for us to just be alone with God and take in that message of love for ourselves. One of the books I read on retreat was "A Tree Full of Angels," by Macrina Wiederkehr, who just recently passed into eternal life. She wrote a little poem, part of which is here:

 "Alone

  All-one

         Alone with God     

    All-one with God

Now I understand 

why Jesus went out

to the desert hills so often

                                             alone..."                                         

      Macrina Wiederkehr, "A Tree Full of Angels"

Come, Great Spirit!

Thanks to The Work of the People...



Visit their site at: The Work of the People

Pentecost...open the gifts!

"And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in different tongues, as the Spirit enabled them to proclaim."
Acts 2:4

Today is the feast of Pentecost and as I sat in the treehouse, this morning, I wondered what Pentecost has to teach us after this very difficult week in our country. What are the lessons of Pentecost that can help us now? I listened to Pray-As-You-Go and loved how they defined the language of Pentecost: Forgiveness, Love and Understanding. These are gifts that all humans can appreciate, and, indeed, desperately need right now. And the really nice thing about it is that these gifts are given to us in advance, so we can "re-gift" them to others. We don't have to come up with our own forgiveness, love and understanding at all! The Holy Spirit gives us the gifts first. Think about when you receive a gift--let's say someone leaves a wrapped present by your doorstep. The gift just sits there, not really helping you at all. You need to open your door and receive the gift, unwrap it and put it to use. The Holy Spirit gifts us with forgiveness, love and understanding, but if we just leave the gift on our doorstep, nothing within us will change. We need to recognize the spiritual gifts, open them within our hearts and re-gift them to others. I was doing Centering Prayer in the treehouse, after listening to this reading. The calm, still morning was startled by a breeze through the tree. I imagined it as the Holy Spirit coming to drop off a beautiful present for me to take in, open, and put to good use in my life. The gifts of forgiveness, love and understanding are invaluable gifts right now, as we are going through such difficult times. As far as I can see it, the Holy Spirit is coming none-too-soon! Let's all take a minute or two and breathe in the gifts of the Spirit in our own hearts. Accept the gifts and unwrap them. And, since the gifts are not just for us alone, let's pass them onto others in our hurting world. Come, Holy Spirit! Love, heidi

Do you love me? No, really, do you?

"'Simon, son of John, do you love me?' Simon Peter answered him, 'Yes Lord, you know that I love you.' He said to him, 'Tend my sheep.'"
John 21:16

And Jesus is asking us the same question this last Friday in May. "Heidi, daughter of Mickey and Rosie, do you love me?" Yes, Lord, you know I love you! My resounding Yes couldn't be more emphatic, really! And then Jesus gives me the recipe for showing my love--loving others. It's so much easier just to sit in the treehouse and love the squirrels and birds! Our relationships with Jesus aren't just between Jesus-n-us, though. The way we love Jesus back is by loving all who Jesus loves, which is everyone. Jesus loves those we would walk across the street to avoid. Jesus loves those who don't look like us, or believe the same creed we do.  Jesus loves those of all races and sexual orientations. It's hard to emphasize enough that the walls we put up to keep others out are not the Jesus way. The closing in on ourselves to protect what we think is rightfully ours, is not the Jesus way. (MY job. MY healthcare. MY country. MY toilet paper!) I really don't know how we Christians got so far off course, thinking Jesus is only on our side; only likes our rituals, only likes the smell of our incense, only wants us to be prosperous. Jesus said to follow him we must love and care for everyone. Matthew 25:31-40 makes it as clear as the sunshine through my tree. We just had beautiful Memorial Day remembrances for all those who died for this country, and rightfully so. But I can't help but wonder if we treat the dead with much more love and respect than we treat the living?  As a society, are we failing this Jesus quiz on the beach? Do you love me? Let's give it some thought and prayer. Love, heidi

Dancing in the grass...

"Jesus said to his disciples, 'Amen, amen I say to you, you will weep and mourn, while the world rejoices you will grieve, but your grief will become joy.'"
John 16:20

Today is the last day of school for the school year. It's actually more sad than it is joyful, simply because we haven't been in school since March 13. But, yesterday we had a staff meeting (online) and the atmosphere was very hopeful. Hope is a precious thing and the agenda with the opening preparation dates and schedule gave me just what I need to carry on. Jesus telling his friends that they will see him again and they will feel joy again must have given them hope, don't you think?  He told them they would experience his absence but then he would be present again in their lives. Our lives can be a roller coaster of feeling Jesus present and then not; Jesus can feel so far away. Spending time in quiet or in nature can give us the sense of Jesus very present with us. In sensing Jesus' presence, we can tap into the joy that goes along with experiencing Jesus. Today and this weekend as we celebrate Memorial Day, let's take some time to think back on the times of difficulty in our lives and how they were followed by times of joy. We've all experienced times we thought our lives may never be good again, and then...they are. We find ourselves dancing in the grass (metaphor, but it also really happened!) I smile when I look ahead to the new school year, as this weird one ends today. If I look closely, I see kids dancing in the grass. Love, heidi

Love isn't love...til you give it away!

"Love one another."
John 15:17

Love is always the bottom line, isn't it? I remember an old song we used to sing when we'd gather for prayer when I was just a young Jesus freak. It had a line that said, "Love isn't love til you give it away." Love not shared with others, one another, isn't really love. Love shared is true love. I was thinking about that in the midst of this difficult time and I realize that loving each other now may mean understanding that we are all experiencing this time differently. It's a world-wide thing, of course, but it can affect us very differently, depending on our circumstances. Those of us who are retired may not have our income as affected as someone who is unemployed right now. Some of us actually enjoy hanging out quietly at home, while others are juggling teaching their children, managing their own job from home and trying to keep sane in the midst of all that. Then, there are the health care workers, who are battling this virus from the front line! Their courage is so awesome, but aren't they getting weary of it all?  I was so moved the other day, as I walked past the nursing home in my neighborhood. A family was gathered outside a resident's window in order to connect with him or her. Those on the inside must feel so isolated and confused. We all may be sharing this boat, but some of us are in nice cabins with a view while many others are struggling in steerage. Loving one another means understanding that there are those differences. We can love one another by stepping out of our own little bubbles and imagining what others may be experiencing. Let's ask God to show us how we can help. Love, heidi

Where's the peace?

"Jesus said to his disciples, 'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you...
Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.'"
John 14:21-26

This is so perfectly timed for us right now, isn't it? The peace that Jesus gives to us is a peace of the heart; our hearts are not troubled or afraid because we have what Jesus gives. But, what does this look like as we go through this unprecedented time of pandemic? How can we rest in the peace of Jesus when all around us seems to be suffering and crumbling? What about when we feel alone and unsupported? What does the peace of Jesus look like then? How can it reassure us? I think it looks like this:
We remember and are reassured that we are loved, deeply, by God. Nothing happening around us can change that. God sustains and maintains everything and God never doesn't love what God creates and sustains.
All things will right themselves eventually. But we may not want to settle for "normal"--or the way things were before. God is giving us a chance to experience better-than-just-normal when this is all over.  Because...
We are growing up. We are learning and embracing what is really important and essential...our fellow human beings. Whether we know them already or are watching their stories unfold on the nightly news, we are sharing this difficult time with our brothers and sisters and, please God, may we emerge from this time recognizing we are all family, together. This terrible virus can unify us as we draw together to battle it.
And finally, a bit of advice from wisdom teacher Cynthia Bourgeault: for every hour we spend online, connected or zooming, may we spend another hour unplugged and quietly listening to the silence of our hearts. The hearts that are filled with God's love. Sit outside, take a walk through the neighborhood, light a candle and sit with just the flame for light. Unplug from the news and the world and look deep inside for the peace of Christ. It's there, right where God put it.
Love, heidi

The gift of music

"Hear O Lord, the sound of my call
Hear O Lord and have mercy
My soul is longing for the glory of You
Hear O Lord
And answer me..."
Ray Repp, "Hear O Lord"

I saw a post yesterday announcing that liturgical composer, Ray Repp, had passed away the day before. The post remembered that Ray Repp was one of the early pioneers of the folk mass after Vatican II. Listening to his music again (link below), took me back to the Wednesday night masses in the library of Billings Central High School. They had to have them in the library because the chapel wasn't big enough to hold all the students who wanted to attend. You see, those masses gave the mass to us--our generation--closer to our music, friendly homilies and the Sign of Peace went on for a half hour while we hugged everyone there. It became our liturgy, different from the Sunday mass of our fathers and forefathers. The music was a huge part of that and Ray Repp was a huge part of the music. It was funny, that in listening to the song Hear O Lord yesterday, I immediately sang along...the words and music were still right there in my head (But don't ask me what I did yesterday, besides sing this song!) It was such a vivid and vibrant part of my spiritual formation back in the early '70's! So, thank you to Ray Repp and peace and consolation to his family...the music that got me to church is still in my heart and head.  And I'm so grateful! Love, heidi
Hear O Lord

Are we there yet?

"Amen, amen, I say to you, unless one is born of water and Spirit he cannot enter the Kingdom of God."
John 3:5

No wonder this left Nicodemus scratching his head. It is weird, isn't it? Pray-As-You-Go asked a ponderous question...what does being born of the Spirit look like in our lives? I gave it a minute then realized we are born of the Spirit when we choose to recognize God in our lives. When we decide we are people of God and we want to live reflecting that. It may happen all at once, like we may have a life-changing event that awakens us to God. Or it may happen in stages. Or maybe the birth of the Spirit happens at once and the growth happens in stages, over time? That seems more likely. When I look back, I see a huge spiritual awakening event--my high school Search. From there, I see a slow growth process; one step forward, two back, at times. But the entire process takes a lifetime, doesn't it? I'm still on the spiritual growth path and, please God, will be for a while yet. I think being born of the Spirit means choosing to live our lives with God, for God. And if we live our lives for God, we are living for others, putting others first, caring for all. It's a tall order--one that may start with a bang and then we may struggle to keep it up. But once the Spirit of God resides in us, we are never alone in the endeavor! Today, as we're embarking on a gorgeous spring Monday, let's think about what being born of the Spirit means to us. How do we manifest it in our lives? Or as the kids used to say on long road trips, "Are we there yet?"  Are we born of the Spirit--yet? Love, heidi

The holy in-between...

"Now in the place where he had been crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had yet been buried. So they laid Jesus there because of the Jewish preparation day; for the tomb was close by."
John 19:42

And that's where we left Jesus yesterday, Good Friday. Holy Saturday has always had quite a different feel to it to me. Not quite as somber as Good Friday and there was a hopeful buzz in the air. We dyed Easter eggs and tried on the Easter outfit--new dress, hat, gloves (yikes!) There was a glimmer of hope that this, this Lent, is finally going to end! I have heard Holy Saturday called a liminal space, a space of in-between...between the sad gloomy of Good Friday and the joy of Easter Sunday. This year it feels so different! We need to remember that Jesus will still be risen from the dead, even if we feel we're still stuck in the tomb! We can be grateful that, eventually, this "tomb" shall pass (sorry, I couldn't resist) and we will be free once again. With God's help, we will emerge from this tomb people with deeper roots in God, now that we've had all this time to spend with God and dig deeper. Hopefully, we will emerge with a greater love and appreciation for our brothers and sisters all over the world who have gone through this with us. Hopefully, we will never take our jobs, a hug, a dinner around a big table for granted again. Hopefully, we are learning all the wonderful lessons this time is offering us. Jesus will rise and we will rise with him! Blessings on your Easter! Love, heidi

Washing each others' feet? From six feet away?

"By washing his disciples' feet at that meal, (Jesus) revealed how to recognize a great lover. The greater the love, the greater the desire to be of service, even in the most humble of actions. Also, Jesus said, loving, humble service is the most powerful cure for the deadly virus of power and prestige."
Edward Hays, "The Lenten Labyrinth"

Interesting to think of the "deadly virus" of power and prestige in the midst of the deadly virus of Covid-19, isn't it? Fr. Ed Hays wrote the Labyrinth in 1994 and it is timeless. But, we used to think that power and prestige were worthwhile things to work toward, didn't we? I remember thinking it was important to achieve, to succeed, to have your name on the door. That is all very first-half-of-life-stuff, as Richard Rohr would point out. I sure don't ever remember receiving any advice on how to climb back down the success ladder, do you? But, here I am, desiring more to humbly serve than to achieve. To live simply. To live generously. How do we humbly serve each other in the midst of this pandemic? How do we figuratively wash each others' feet when we're supposed to stay six feet apart? I think we need to take quiet time and really listen to God. God's probably not going to shout to be heard over our fifth hour binge-watching Hulu, though. God's gentle whisper can often only be heard in the still silence. Certainly, God wants us to flatten the curve, as we hear so often. But what else can we do? I think noticing what organizations are doing real, boots-on-the-ground work in your community and supporting them, is helpful. Reaching out and checking on others who are alone in this, is another thing we can do. Sending little love notes to people we may not often correspond with is an act of love. Washing each others' feet in this crazy time is a challenge for sure! But it is what we are asked to do right now. Listening to God, in the silence of our inner rooms, is one way to get ideas of how we can help. Blessings and love on this Holy Thursday, heidi

The holiest Holy Week...

"The world is overcome not through destruction, but through reconciliation. Not ideals, nor programs, nor conscience, nor duty, nor responsibility, nor virtue, but only God's perfect love can encounter reality and overcome it."
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Lutheran theologian, pastor, mystic, martyr

I have a feeling this week, more than any other Holy Week in my lifetime, we will truly walk the road to Calvary with Jesus. And we can trust that Jesus walks this week with us. We will enter into the mystery of what it means to surrender to what awaits, feeling helpless and out of control. But, all the the Holy Weeks we have experienced in the past teach us that Easter is always at the end of a hard week, right? God's perfect love will encounter this reality we are living right now and overcome it.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer was speaking about a different time, a different enemy. But the message is timeless and true...only God's love can heal. And God loves the world through us; we are God's hands, feet and heart in the world. How can we love the world best right now? By staying home and staying healthy, I guess. By sharing. By praying. By not hoarding. By calling people on the phone or Zooming with them. By sending a check to the food bank. By paying the hair stylist for a haircut we won't get to have. By recognizing that we are a world community all suffering at the same time and holding our world family in love. By not blaming or condemning, but lifting up and holding lightly. This is going to be the holiest Holy Week we have ever experienced, let's enter in. Love, heidi

Harriet Tubman--mystic

"T'wasn't me, 'twas the Lord! I always told Him, 'I trust you, I don't know where to go or what to do, but I expect you to lead me,' and He always did."
Harriet Tubman

I had planned on doing all the Usual Subject mystics for my Lent mini-course on the mystics, but when I went to the movie "Harriet" I realized she was a mystic. And wouldn't it be interesting to explore that a bit? Harriet Tubman had "spells" where she would catch a glimpse of the future or practical direction in her life at the moment. She had been hit in the head by a counter-weight as a thirteen year old girl, and after that, had spells or seizures. She said they served to let her hear God's voice more clearly. After traveling north to her own freedom she made around twenty more trips to the south to lead other slaves to the north via the Underground Railroad. She heard the voice of God, responded to that voice and changed the lives of so many. She realized that freedom wasn't just for her or even for a few, but for all her people. If you're looking for something worthwhile to do during this time of self-isolation, I would invite you to stream the movie "Harriet," and marvel how her mysticism changed the lives of others. What may the voice of God be saying to us today?  Can the mysticism of Harriet Tubman comfort and guide us through this time? Love, heidi

From the mystics...

"What do you need to hear from Jesus today?"
Pray-As-You-Go, 3/31/20

Way last September, which seems like a lifetime ago, I offered to do a little mini-course on the Christian mystics for Lent for our church.  A dear friend and I had done a similar thing years ago and it was interesting.  Little did I know, that in researching the mystics for this go around, I would find such comfort in what they said and cling to their words like a life preserver! The mystics were real people, living very real lives on this planet, and yet, they heard the voice of God and lived what they heard. As a result, they changed lives around them and can impact all of us who live after them. I thought I'd share some of the words of God, spoken through the Christian mystics, these next few days. Maybe what they say will give us all hope and comfort as we live the "lenty-est lent" ever!

From Hildegard von Bingen: All human beings and creatures of the cosmos are emanations of the love of God. (Let's remember that as we struggle with our fellow cosmos-dwellers!)
From Julian of Norwich: "All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well." 
More tomorrow...Stay home, stay well! Love, heidi

Love School

"The truth is that we must pray for the strength to do what we are meant to do. We must pray for the courage to meet the challenges of life. We must pray for the endurance it will take to go on even when nothing changes. We must pray that the spirit of God is with us as we do what must be done, whether we succeed in the process or not."
Sr. Joan Chittister, "The Breath of the Soul" (as quoted in Give Us This Day)

I have long had a bug-a-boo about praying for specific outcomes. Maybe it was a lack of faith that made me leery of praying that "this" will happen, or "that," on Tuesday between the hours of four and six. I've never been good at it, really. I pray for people all the time, but just not that specific things will or won't happen. God only knows what would be best for that person, what outcome would be best in the long run, or in the Big Picture. What if my idea was not big enough or the outcome I desired would end up being harmful? I always like the example of Jesus' mother at the Wedding Feast at Cana.  She just identified her concern and left it at that. "They have no wine," she said. Then, presumably, she let go of the situation and let Jesus take it from there. (And we all know what HE did!) So especially now in these trying times, I like the idea of praying for strength to do what we are supposed to do. (And, God knows, I need really clear directions!) I think we all need to pray for courage and endurance and also the wisdom to learn from this valuable time. Despite the closing of all the schools, we ARE in school, folks. Think of it as being in Love School. How can we learn the lessons of love through a difficult time such as this? The Spirit of God is with us and the lessons are right in front of us. What are we learning at this Wisdom School? Blessings and love, heidi

Calm the storm!

"(Jesus) got into a boat and the disciples followed him. Suddenly a violent storm came up on the sea, so the boat was being swamped by waves; but Jesus was asleep. They came and woke him saying, 'Lord! Save us, we are perishing!'...
Then he got up, rebuked the winds and the sea and there was a great calm..."
Matthew 8:23-25, 26

I watched a nice interview with Fr. James Martin, SJ in my newsfeed this morning. He was asked (from six feet away) what scripture can help us during this time of fear. He immediately said the calming of the storm Gospel. This is certainly a wild storm, isn't it? We all feel tossed about, hanging on for dear life as we swirl and bounce along in the boat. We wonder how in the world Jesus can sleep through this storm, right? But, as Fr. Martin suggests, we can wake Jesus up and ask him to calm our inner storms and fears. This is a major storm for all, but it can also be a fierce inner storm, deep within, and fear can grip us tightly. Let's read this passage from Matthew and spend some quiet time with Jesus in our own little boats. What storms within would we ask him to calm? Can he give us ideas of who we can help or how we can calm storms for others who may be suffering even worse? I'm thinking the food banks are being taxed to the max right now...could we send them a donation? Is there someone we can check up on? Goodness knows we have time now to spend quiet time with Jesus...what do we ask him? Love, heidi

A time to rest...

"Indeed, we live frantic existences. But it's not wrong to rest in the labyrinth, to find a bench or a chair to rest.."
Edward Hays, "The Lenten Labyrinth"

Fr. Ed Hays wrote this book, "The Lenten Labyrinth," in 1994. I picture him pausing whatever he's doing in heaven and noting his advice for the Third Tuesday in Lent tells us to pull up a bench and rest. That's about ALL we can do in the midst of this virus! It feels like Lent is happening to us this year, instead of us choosing to "do" Lent. How can we use this time for the best possible good for everyone? How can we allow this time to heal us, even as we face the uncertainty of becoming sick? How can we let this time grow us up a bit, so we can emerge from it a little wiser, more compassionate, more loving, more like Jesus? This time gives us an excellent chance to think of others first. Pray for those who are ill and who will become ill. We can do the best thing by staying a safe distance from others and not over-buying stuff at the stores. We can call and check on loved ones and support efforts in the community to keep kids fed and occupied. We can seek out reliable information and avoid sharing hyped-up misinformation. We can think of this time as sacred and holy--a time to rest in the labyrinth. We are being asked to slow down, stop the frantic wheels of our usual lives from spinning. Someday, we will look back on this difficult time and remember its craziness. How we view it in the rear view mirror depends on how we live it now. Do we see it as a troublesome burden or as a possibly unique gift? Live this time well. Love others well. Rest in the labyrinth... Love, heidi

It is good to be here...

"'Holy Faith, All the Way.' 'Lord, it is good to be here.' It will be your holy faith which tells you that wherever 'here' is at this moment in your life is a gift from God since the purpose of each 'here' is to transform us."
Edward Hays, "The Lenten Labyrinth"

I sure needed this as dawn arrives this morning! This "here" right now seems so troubled, so full on uncertainty. The virus, the election, the state of our world right now seems like such a difficult "here," doesn't it? I think it points to a couple of things...first our vulnerability. We humans think we are so powerful and in control, don't we? This "here" is a wake-up call to how fragile we human beings can be. Also, our illusion that we are in control is worth questioning in this uncertain time, isn't it? And what are we to do with this time of difficulty? The labyrinth is such a wonderful tool for dealing with times like these for me! The maze overall looks so complicated and how can I get from here to the center? But, actually, it is very simple. All I really have to do is the very next step...which is right there, next to me. All I can do is the next, quite obvious step. I'll work my way to the center in God's time. I have kids flying all around the world doing scary things right now (Blaine tried flying a helicopter yesterday--yikes!). Believe me, I could so easily freak out (and still probably will!) But, as I read about this tricky "here" happening for so many people, all I can do is look at the very next step on the labyrinth. What can I actually do? I can go work at school to the best of my ability. I seek others and help them as they need. I can pray for all who are going through this collective time of difficulty--my fellow travelers on the labyrinth--some who may be suffering and sick. And I can allow this difficulty to wash over me and transform me. I can learn from this time, gain strength and wisdom from this time. And I can trust that God holds this very uncertain "here" time for all of us. Love, heidi

Looking for love...(in all the right places!)

"Jesus said to his disciples, 'Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you.'"
Matthew 7:7

Isn't that fabulous news? Wait. What do I really want? Pray-As-You-Go suggests we ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the deepest desires of our hearts. Because that is what we really, really want. What are our deepest desires? A couple of years ago, the answer seemed so clear. I was making a big change--I was turning a big corner on the labyrinth of life, so that was easy. What about now? Actually, the really deep desires are the same as they have been for many years. I want to grow closer and deeper in love with God. So lofty. So deep, right? But the manifestation of that is a greater love for all with whom I share this planet. I can want a deeper relationship with God and ask for that (I do!) and what does God do? God places difficult humans in my path! Because that is how God shows love to me and asks for my love in return. That's how I grow deeper in love with God. It's never just about me and God. It's always about others and Lent is always a good time to revisit that little gem. I can want God and God may be all I want. But, growing with God means loving and receiving others. As we journey through our early-Lent Thursday, let's keep our eyes open for God today...for if we seek, we will find. Love, heidi

Welcome the children...

"Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not just me, but the one who sent me."
Mark 9:37

I admit it. Yesterday had a real unhinged quality about it at school. We have only a few weeks until spring break, it was a Monday, and I'm not sure of the moon status, but it felt like a full moon. Like I said, unhinged. Times like that I tend to go back to my Early American upbringing and remember the admonishments to "straighten up and fly right" or to "quit cryin' or I'll give you something to cry about!" Yikes, all of that. Thanks be to God, who had a hand over my mouth all afternoon, I didn't go anywhere near THERE, but the thoughts flew through my head, along with "what's wrong with these kids?"  Along with God ever ready to cover my mouth, God has provided me coworkers who are such good examples and models. I watch and see how they handle the kids on these difficult days and I see such compassion and patience, even as the kids can be so difficult! So today, I will remember Jesus saying "Whoever welcomes one such a child (crying, difficult) welcomes me." It's truly a gift to have a job with children...they are little Jesuses running around. I just need to remember that! Blessings on your Shrove Tuesday and Ash Wednesday tomorrow...it's nearly Lent again! Love, heidi

Two ears, one mouth...

"Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger, for anger does not accomplish the righteousness of God."
James 1:19-20

(Quick note: Time is running out for you to hear the folks at Pray-As-You-Go say the word "February"...it's sort of a one syllable deal, like this--Feb'ry. Link below!)
Oh, wow...where has this reading been my whole life? I guess I concentrated on the later verse, "Be doers of the word, not hearers only." (v. 22)  Pray-As-You-Go asks how we measure up to the ideal of listening well, being slow to speak and slow to anger. I'm much more quick to speak and keeping speaking...prattling on and on. I guess awareness is the first step. But it's better to be aware early in a conversation, before this happens or during, not later, laying in bed thinking, "Why didn't I stop talking?" The old adage that we have two ears and only one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak is a good reminder. I just need to stop talking long enough to remember it! Blessings on your last Wednesday before Ash Wednesday! Love, heidi
Pray-As-You-Go

Cheeky to humble...

"She replied and said to him, 'Lord, even the dogs under the table eat the children's scraps.'"
Mark 7:28

I love it when this reading is used on Pray-As-You-Go, because they always describe the woman as "cheeky" in her comments to Jesus. Jesus had told her the children of Israel must be fed first, after she asked for a healing for her daughter. Cheeky response. I love it. Have we ever been cheeky in our prayers? I've been reading an old journal from a couple of years ago and yes, I can honestly say, some of the stuff I write is cheeky. Seriously, God? A damaging hailstorm right before I close on the sale of my house? Is that the best you can do? I won't even share what I wrote November 9, 2016...it isn't fit to print, but yes, it was a bit cheeky. I really don't think God minds our cheeky prayers, because that means we are comfortable communicating with God. We are in relationship with God and if that means we're cheeky, God's OK with that. I also read back how I was so concerned with what would happen to my dog, Tebow, with the move to Boise. How would he do? How would I find a place to rent that would take him? How would that all work out? As I see the pieces of that puzzle and how they fit into place I can only marvel at the gifts of the situation. I can be cheeky in my prayers, but I can also be humble and awestruck when I recognize God's gifts. So I run the gamut of cheeky to humble, questioning to praising. Quaking to self-assured (wait! that hasn't come yet!) And all of it points to my being in a deep, rich relationship with God. And that's fabulous. Love, heidi

Encountering Jesus...

"Jesus, aware at once that power had gone out from him, turned around in the crowd and asked, 'Who touched my clothes?'"
Mark 5:30

This reading really hit me this morning for some reason. I usually am awed by the woman with the hemorrhage--her faith and courage to just go after what she knew in her heart was her only hope--Jesus. I can't imagine her fear when Jesus reels about and asks, "Who touched my clothes?" because, in touching Jesus, the woman rendered him unclean in the Jewish tradition. He could have been angry! But the woman steps forward and tells Jesus everything. I am also amazed, too, that Jesus desires relationship with each and every person he encounters. Jesus could have walked through the crowds, healing everyone of everything. There could have been many encounter-less healings along the way, but that is not Jesus' style. Jesus wanted to share a moment with each person. Jesus wanted to look into their eyes and souls. He wanted to praise their faith and cheer them on in their healing. He didn't take credit himself, but told the woman, "Daughter, your faith has saved you." (v. 34) What's really exciting to me is that Jesus wants to encounter us the same way. He wants us to reach out and seek his help for all we go through in our own lives. We need not approach Jesus with fear and trembling like the woman in the Gospel today. Jesus truly wants to walk with us through any difficulty and celebrate with us when it is over and we feel whole again. No matter what our day holds for us, this Tuesday, let's try to encounter Jesus. Love, heidi

What kind of soil?

"And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Other seed fell on rocky ground where it had little soil...Some seed fell among the thorns...and some seed fell on rich soil and produced fruit."
Mark 4:4-8

As I sat pondering this, I wondered just what kind of soil I would be today. I believe that we aren't always the same kind of soil; some days we may be thorny, and other days, we may be richer. It isn't a one-and-done deal. I think God sends us seed all day and how we receive it and act on it changes. I may be tired and impatient one day and that certainly makes me less receptive to subtle messages from God. God's message can't take root in crabby soil! Some days I may be too caught up in what's going on around me. The news can give me a thorny edge, that's for sure, and God's rather wasting time trying to teach me anything those days. (Thankfully, our God is a very generous sower and still flings the seed out with abandon!) Some days, the message may get through quickly and easily and start to take root, but by the end of the day I've lost it and my zeal has waned.  Still other days, I spend quiet time with God, praying for guidance as to what I'm to do for God throughout the day. I sense God's nudging and the message falls on rich soil in my heart. I am able to remember and act on it through the day, hopefully, producing fruit. The quiet of my heart is the richest soil for God's message. Overly saturating myself with all the things that bother me but I cannot change leaves me depleted and closed off to what God empowers me to do. Today, as we inch our way through the last days of January, let's be aware of sensing the nudgings of God through our day. Let's commit to being rich, fertile soil for God's word to take root and thrive in us, producing beautiful fruit for the world! Love, heidi

Clearing out the clutter...

"Anything can be clutter if it keeps me totally absorbed in myself and unaware of what God is offering to me."
Sr. Joyce Rupp, "The Cup of Our Life"

I'm rereading an older book, "The Lessons of St. Francis," by John Michael Talbot, and I'm finding something interesting. My desire for simplifying my life goes back to the late 90's! I remember this book and others (such as the Joyce Rupp book quoted above) emphasizing voluntary simplicity and how exciting that concept felt to me. I remember clearing out my closet while Chris was away over a weekend. When he returned, seeing its bareness, he asked, "Are you moving out?" So simplifying is no passing fad for me...but it is always a work in progress. One can eliminate physical things in our environments even as the clutter within can still pile up. What is the clutter we accumulate within? Well, judgmentalism, our knee-jerk responses to things and people. Our prejudices, fears, and anxieties. Our sense of our own right-ness and, correspondingly,  our perceived wrong-ness of others. All of that, St. Francis would call, "The purse of our own opinions." And mine can be less a purse and more of a footlocker. I could be sitting in an empty room on a folding chair and still be in the middle of this kind of clutter. Simplifying our lives is not a weekend endeavor or even a year-long project. Done thoroughly, it takes us a lifetime to clear out ALL the clutter and find our hearts and minds more roomy. Maybe that can be a project for us this new year...clearing out the mental and emotional clutter along with the clothes we never wear. Love, heidi

Seeing God in the Now...

"Embrace the present moment as an ever-flowing source of holiness."
Jean Pierre de Caussade SJ, as quoted by Richard Rohr, 11/19/17

As I reflect on a new year, I can't help but contemplate the "Now" I am currently living. For so long I lived for the future--the next weekend, or summer, or holiday time or when I could retire. Too often, my thoughts were focused more on the future and what it held. Now, I think I can finally say, I am living more in the Now.  I am living the life I yearned for as I counted down Mondays while working for ICBVI. Now, I feel, I am living in the Now I dreamed about for so long. Richard Rohr quotes Jean Pierre de Caussade's book, "Abandonment to Divine Providence," referring to the "sacrament of the present moment." How often do we think of our present situation as a sacrament? It's easier now that I'm retired, but I am still working a job with little kids and there are times when it doesn't feel that holy at all! Richard Rohr says living in the present moment is what is meant by living in the presence of God. God is in the present moment, no matter what is happening. We can look back and reflect on seeing God in the past, what if we just take a deep breath and realize that God is also fully in the present moment. Even as the little first grader, whose fingers are too often in his nose, interrupts reading group to ask, "Can I touch your hair?" The absurdity of the present moment doesn't mean God isn't there--it just means God has a sense of humor! As we are heading into another weekend (there's that future again!) let's take time to think about one special moment--Now. Let's pause, breathe deeply, and thank God for the current sixty seconds we are experiencing. Let's see God in the Now. Love, heidi

Quiet, pondering...

"It takes time to separate the strands of conformity and call, time to see where God's persistent longing is leading us."
Rachelle Linner, "Give Us This Day"

Wait, God's longing for us? I thought it was all about our longing for God? God gives us the deep longing to do what we are to do and the buck stops there, right?  But I love  pondering the truth that God longs deeply for us to "separate the strands of conformity and call." Beautiful, that. It's not always (or is it ever?) a clear-cut answer, how we are to serve God. Sometimes we may be invited to make a big change and uproot to a new place. Other times, we are to find how to serve in the midst of our current living situation. But the idea that God is longing for us to go deep and figure that out is stunning. How do we know we have made the choice that God is longing for us to make? I was told once in Spiritual Direction that we are gifted with a peace within when we are where we belong, doing what we are beckoned to do. A peace fills us, and while it doesn't completely smooth out our road, we are given what we need to traverse the road. Today, as we approach mid-January, let's take some quiet time to separate the strands, in our own lives, between conformity and call. Are we being called to something new? Is God longing for us to do something different? Is God calling us to a deeper peace than may be available if we are just plodding through life? Unplug and light a candle to pray about this...these winter nights are perfect for quiet, pondering prayer! Love, heidi

Weekend Examen

"Was it a good week or a bad week?"
Pray-As-You-Go, Examen for the End of the Week

One of my favorite prayer tools is this Examen from the folks at Pray-As-You-Go (link below). I think the guy's voice is so soothing, and there is that lovely British accent, so, yea, it's perfect! I really enjoy sitting in my prayer chair on a Saturday morning with a cup of coffee and a candle and prayerfully looking, with God, for God in the past week. Instead of just pronouncing the week good or bad, the object is to see God in all that happened through the week, with an emphasis on gratitude.  Even if there were difficult elements to our week, the ability to see God through it all is a grace. And the ability to be grateful for even the difficulties is a real grace! So, this is the end of the week...I invite you to make yourself comfortable, with a beverage and a candle, click on the link and settle into looking into the past week with God. You will be so happy you did! Love, heidi
Examen for the end of the week

Growing in wisdom...

"For I resolved to live according to wisdom, and I was zealous for the good, and I was never disappointed."
Ecclesiasticus 51:18-19

Pray-As-You-Go asked, "What has helped you grow in wisdom?" Isn't that a wonderful question as we begin a new year? I thought about it and realized it has been experience that has given me any glimpse of wisdom I've gleaned. And it fleeting--as fleeting as the gorgeous sunrise this morning. It was there one minute (and I snapped a picture below) and gone the  next. I certainly desire wisdom, just like the writer of today's reading, "I sought wisdom openly in my prayer," (v. 13). In verse 16, "I inclined my ear a little and received...much instruction." I find that I can incline my ear easier when silent, so I spent a couple days this week unplugged. I prayed, walked, read, had fires in the fireplace, all in silence. So listening to the silence also can help me grow in wisdom. Glimpses of wisdom are fleeting and wisdom instructs us very quietly. We need to keep our eyes open and take the time to lean in and listen...
Blessings on your new year! Love, heidi