Indeed...

"What do you want me to do for you?"
Mark 10:51

Jesus is asking the blind man, Bartimaeus, this soul-searching question in today's Gospel. Nearly three years ago, I heard Jesus ask me the same question on my first retreat at Marymount Hermitage. I remember honestly answering, "I want a spiritual vocation! I want to be a Spiritual Director!" Today I am packing to head to my sixth retreat at Marymount and the last session of our Spiritual Direction class with Mission Centered Education.  The powerfulness of all this is nearly overwhelming! I'm learning that Jesus is serious when he asks, "What do you want me to do for you?" Is it really within our grasp to ask for the deepest desires of our hearts? Certainly! God hopes we DO ask, because God put them there in the first place!  Probably the most valuable lesson I've learned is that I can't know it, can't do it, and must relinquish all of it to God, who really CAN do it.  Ever on the path of learning, I am trying to get myself out of the way of the slow work of God.  So blessings on the holiday weekend and I will be back with the Heidi-grams in June!  Love, heidi

Just hold fast to this...

"But, of course, God is still infinite, infinite love. Just hold fast to this--that it is out of infinite love that God performs this excruciatingly painful operation..."
Soren Kierkegaard, "Provocations: Spiritual Writings of Kierkegaard"

It seems like there are so many difficult things going on this week.  There was a young firefighter tragically killed in south central Idaho, my son told me about. My daughter's friend I shared with you about Monday. A dear paraprofessional I work with died suddenly last weekend. Not to mention all the fears and difficulties in our country and world right now.  Sometimes, I just feel overwhelmed with the hardness of it all.  My heart hurts. The temptation is to just give up, shake your fist at God and say, "Where the heck are you anyway?" The hard stuff can make us cynical and sad so easily. But that is when we need to sit down in the midst of Creation and soak in the infinite love that is God. I love the line "Just hold fast to this." That feels so right to me.  God is God. We are not. God loves more than we can even imagine in our little human hearts and we need to hold fast to that.  Today and always! Love, heidi

Letting go...

"Then Jesus looked at him with love and told him, 'There is one more thing you must do. Go and sell what you have and give to the poor...'"

Mark 10:21

For many of us this can be a difficult Gospel.  Every time I read it I want to run upstairs and clear out a closet.  But, this time, it brings to my mind and heart a real life story.  My daughter has a friend about my age who has terminal cancer. She has recently traveled many miles to be near family when she dies, which could be days or weeks at this point.  She basically walked away from the life she had, her home, her stuff, her life and journeyed to a place to die.  It absolutely boggles my mind to think about that situation.  In order to embrace death, we must let go of life here on earth and that seems so hard! She took a few of her possessions with her, but given the short amount of time she has left, she didn't need a winter coat or Halloween decorations.  What would you take? Given this Gospel of the Rich Young Man, let's spend some time thinking about the real life situation of our own letting go of this life on earth.  What do we need? And, as you ponder this story, please pray for this dear lady, who is nearly There on her journey to new Life.  Love, heidi

The mysterious Trinity as found on a bench...

"Jesus said to his disciples, 'I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now...'"
John 16:12

If I could add to this verse, I would add, "But I will show you instead..."  I usually try to get to church quite a while before mass begins to sit in the quiet, read the readings, pray...stuff like that. Today when I got there early the music group was practicing and I just couldn't concentrate so I moved to the Adoration chapel.  That was lovely--until a group came in to recite the rosary. They were kind and invited me to join them, but it was quiet I was after so I set out to find some.  God just beckoned me to the Mary garden just outside the church.  God said, "Come out here with me...I want to show you the Trinity."  I sat there on a little bench and the warm sun was delightful.  I heard tiny birds making their song heard over the sound of traffic on 17th St. I felt a breeze blow by, reminding me of the Holy Spirit, blowing wherever it wills.  So there I had it, the Father beckoned me outside to enjoy the warm sun (S-o-n) and feel the breeze of the Spirit. It was all there. On the bench.  Jesus had much more to tell us but  maybe we just need to feel and experience it first-hand. I felt very blessed to be able to experience Trinity that way!  Love, heidi