Transform the darkness...

"In essence, what Mary was doing under the cross was this: her silence and strength were speaking these words: 'Today, I can't stop the crucifixion; nobody can. Sometimes darkness will have its hour. But I can stop some of the hatred, bitterness, jealousy, and heartlessness that caused it--by refusing to give it back in kind, by transforming negativity rather than retransmitting it, by swallowing hard, in silence, and eating the bitterness rather than giving it back in kind.'"
Fr. Ronald Rohlheiser, "Sacred Fire" (as quoted in "Becoming Instruments of God's Peace")

I feel that darkness is "having its hour" right now in our country and world. We feel powerless to stop it, so what can we possibly do? We can stop it by not contributing to it, for one thing. We can do our part, within our circle of influence, to help all around us and extend our love as far out as possible. Lent gives us the opportunity to reach out a little farther, to maybe stretch ourselves a bit beyond our comfort zones. We can transform our anxious feelings and frustration into concrete action, not by just complaining, but by getting out there and rolling up our sleeves. We can become the good we desire to see instead of complaining that we don't see it. Love, heidi

Our deepest desires...

"God seems to plant within us the desire to pray for what God already wants to give us, and even better, God has already begun to give it to us!"
Richard Rohr, "Wondrous Encounters--Scripture for Lent"

I'm rereading this little Lent book again this year and it's always fun to see what I highlighted in years past. This sentence was highlighted and then highlighted a second time. This has been such an important realization for me through the last several years. The realization that God plants deep into my heart, as desire, what God wills for me. God makes it seem like my idea, when, really, it was God's idea all along! I first encountered this concept when I went to a "Come and See" weekend with the Sisters of Charity and Mercy, back in early 1981. I'd asked the sisters what this mysterious "call" from God looked like for mere mortals and they assured me the call from God was actually the deepest desire of my heart. Say what? I couldn't imagine that God would want me to do what I really wanted to do, what about all those saints who toiled, sacrificed and suffered their way to sainthood? But now, so many years later, I can see that rascal God has done just that all through my life. And look at the fabulous time it has been! This Lent, let's take extra time praying with the deepest desires of our heart. Are they doable for us? Is there a path to the desire? If not clear now, pray for clarity of path. If the desire is there, it may be exactly what God wants us to do! Love, heidi

Forgiveness! Now?

"Real forgiveness is often a long process sometimes requiring a search for justice, an expression of anger or hurt, or an acknowledgement of a sin which has been committed."
Pray-As-You-Go, 3/12/19

Forgiveness, real forgiveness, may not happen overnight. Sometimes we may think we've forgiven and then we're reminded of the old wound and it rears up again. That wave of bitterness and anger comes back...we go there, again. I like this from Pray-As-You-Go because it recognizes that there may be steps to forgiveness. It's not unreasonable to expect that someone deeply hurt may need to seek justice and an acknowledgment of the sin. We may want an apology, too, but what if that never comes? That is when we prayerfully remember the times that we have done wrong and need forgiveness ourselves. We can recall the words of Jesus in today's Gospel, "If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you." (Matthew 6:14)
Seeking forgiveness and forgiving are beautiful threads weaving through the fabric of Lent for me this year. We are on both sides of the equation, certainly, and need to act from both sides. But we also need to realize it may not happen as instantly as we'd like. The desire deep within us to want to forgive and be forgiven is a huge start. Love, heidi

Fuel for the desert...

"Filled with the Holy Spirit, Jesus returned from the Jordan River and was led by the Spirit into the desert for forty days to be tempted by the devil."
Luke 4:1-2

And...we're off! Lent is fully underway now--now that we've heard about Jesus' temptation in the desert. It reminds us every Lent that we'll be tempted and tried these forty days, too. How will we do? Our Pastor yesterday reminded us how Jesus held off the temptations of the devil during the temptations in the desert. First, he was filled with the Holy Spirit. He'd just been baptized in the Jordan and it was the Spirit that led him out to solitude and silence. He was walking with the Holy Spirit. Also, he was able to withstand the temptations because Jesus knew his story. He knew who he was...a beloved child of God. He'd been raised with the scriptures and deep knowledge of the history of his people. Jesus knew his story. And his story was enough to wrestle with the devil and win. We all have our own stories, too. We, too, are filled with the Holy Spirit, since our own baptism. We, too, have a history that includes our Jesus story--when and how we came to love Jesus and desired to follow him. Our faith journeys remind us of how we have experienced God's presence in our lives and how we have overcome all kinds of stuff. Our faith journeys, our stories, will be with us no matter what we have to face. We can go through any trial because we know, first and foremost, we are beloved children of God. Love, heidi

In weakness is peace...

"Where is (God's) peace to be found? The answer is surprising but it is clear. In weakness, in our own weakness, in those places of our hearts where we feel most broken, most insecure, most in agony, most afraid."
Henri J.M. Nouwen, "Finding My Way Home"

That is surprising, finding God's peace in our weakness, isn't it? Nouwen goes on to explain that, in our weakness, we have less control and cannot rely on ourselves. We reach the end of ourselves and what we can do and must rely on Someone Else. And there is peace in that. In our insecurity and weakness, we can finally just stop rolling that boulder up the hill. We can rely on a strength beyond us and find peace in the Other's ability. It reminds me of that funny bumper sticker: "Rejoice! You're inadequate!" That's lovely to ponder on a rainy Thursday here in Boise. This morning on our walk, Tebow and I heard the most wonderful birdsong! It gives us hope that spring is on the way! Love, heidi

Out with the old...

"Remember, finally, that the ashes on your forehead are created from the burnt palms of last Palm Sunday. New beginnings invariably come from old false things that are allowed to die."
Fr. Richard Rohr, "Wondrous Encounters: Scripture for Lent"

Wow, oh Wow! I really needed this now. Rather than giving some some tangible, some food or drink, I desire to let go of the old false things that burden me from the past. I'll happily do that and wear a cross of that on my forehead! I even have some ideas of what those may be, but won't burden you with my burdens. Let's think about what tired old parts of ourselves we can ask God to help us let go of during this lent. Because we know we cannot do anything by ourselves. Richard Rohr's prayer for this Ash Wednesday is this: "God, give me the desire to desire what you want me to desire," Yes! Please! Help me to identify the old false parts of myself that are not working for me any longer (as if they ever did). Help me to look forward, unburdened by those encumbrances, toward new life with you! Love, heidi