Of grumbles and tunics...

"Do everything without grumbling or questioning..."

Philippians 2:14

 

"In the same way, everyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple."

Luke 14:33

 

Both of these readings spoke to me today because I have too many of all of it--grumblings and possessions!  I may have made a wee effort to reduce the amount of grumbling when I am with others, but get me alone in the car and I can be a champion grumbler.  I wonder if God tires of eavesdropping on my rants?  I bet so.  And, despite all my speeches to the contrary, I have far too many tunics hanging in the closet. What I am clinging to and yet, not even wearing, I am taking from someone else.  Ridiculous.  So, today I am going to make a conscious effort to rid myself of grumbles and tunics.  I surely can do without so many of them!  Love, heidi

Even the little old ladies...

"Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus...he emptied himself."

Philippians 2:5,8

 

He emptied himself. Jesus gave all he had to give. He left nothing on the table. He did it all.  And he asks the same of us. So, why is it that I can go into an Assisted Living facility and find myself arguing with a little old lady? Mystifying, isn't it? We, who have been given so much, are asked to give like Jesus gave and it is so hard sometimes.  I can absolutely lose it with the very people I am here on this planet to serve.  Good grief.  Dear Jesus, I am not like you.  I'm so very far from being like you that I sometimes wonder why you put up with me.  But I realize you can use me, even in my weakness.  Please let me be more open to following you as you served, emptying yourself for all of humanity...even the difficult little old ladies! Amen! Love, heidi

To ponder...

"For behold, I tell you a mystery. We shall all not fall asleep but we shall all be changed, in an instant, in the blink of an eye, at the last trumpet..."

1 Corinthians 15:51-52

 

We had this reading for the Feast of All Souls and I was able to spend some time pondering it yesterday.  Our homily was based on it, too, so I really had much to pray with yesterday.  Death is inevitable and a mystery.  Nothing really new there, but how do we feel about death, exactly?  Are we afraid of it? In denial? Looking forward to it?  I realized that I am not so much afraid of death as I am the dying process, the diminishment, the relying on others, the bother to the kids.  I want to be "me" as long as I can and as long as that can be, I want to stick around.  Basically, I don't want to wear out my welcome here on earth. As my mother always said, "Leave the party while you're still having a good time." I think the actual death itself should be a wonderful letting go, falling in the arms of Jesus, seeing loved ones gone before, a lovely long nap.  So, all that figured out, what do we do in the meantime?  Live our lives, not with selfishness or vainglory, as St. Paul tells us and the Philippians in today's first reading (Philippians 2:1-4). Living our lives with real purpose and meaningfully seems like the answer.  Don't let worrying about the end keep us from really living in love with God today!  Blessings on your new week and new month! Love, heidi

Before I say it...

"Relieve the anguish of my heart, and set me free from my distress.

See my lowliness and suffering, and take away all my sins.

May integrity and virtue protect me, for I have hoped in you, O Lord."

Psalm 25:17-18, 21

 

One of the things I struggle with is looking back on past conversations and regretting what I have said.  It's like I'll replay the tape in my head and wallow around in, "Why did I say that? That could have been hurtful." And, surely, it's true that I say off-handed things, to be funny and they end up being unkind or hurtful.  I'm so hyper aware of this that it drives me crazy.   Scrupulously combing through what I said is so self-centered and, obviously, the time to think about what I say is BEFORE I say it!  The time to relieve my distress about what I say is before the words actually tumble out of my mouth, not the day after.  Lord, you know my weaknesses, so much better than I do!  Please help me think about what I say before I say it, then I won't be so troubled after!  Love, heidi

Narrow ourselves...

"The gate narrows when we strive to give ourselves away to others, spending our time, talent, and treasure to make the world a better place."

Allen Gustafson, "Give Us This Day"

 

Jesus tells us in today's Gospel (Luke 13:22-30) to "Strive to enter through the narrow gate..." (v. 24) I really like Mr. Gustafson's interpretation of the narrow gate above, but I also feel that the narrow gate may look different for each of us.  One person's narrow gate may be caring for an ill loved one.  Another may be serving food in a soup kitchen. Still another may be serving as a teacher, doctor or Peace Corps volunteer. Regardless of what vocation we are called to do, we are all called to love and serve each other. And, to do that better, we need to let go of ourselves.  By letting go of ourselves, we let go of our agendas, our trappings, our high maintenance tendencies and, in a sense, make ourselves more "narrow."  The more we can also let go of "stuff;" physical stuff as well as emotional stuff, the easier we will slide through that narrow gate.  What can we let go of this autumn Wednesday?  Love, heidi

Voice through the fog...

"Lost in thick layers of gloominess

I call out, 'Where are you?'

'I'm here,' you whisper back.

As I strain to hear your voice.

'Are you really here?' I echo.

'Trust me,' comes the response.

'But I can't see,' I complain.

'Why do you need to see?'

You reply through the heavy fog,

'Is it not enough that I am here?'"

Sr. Joyce Rupp, "Fragments of Your Ancient Name"

 

I love this because it shows that Sr. Joyce has the same kind of conversations with Jesus that I have and have had through many years! Are you there? Yes. Where? Here. Are you sure? Jesus must get weary from constantly encouraging me!  But yet, Jesus continues to encourage.  This past weekend, while at the Monastery of St. Gertrude, we had a morning of heavy, heavy fog.  We couldn't see the Spirit Center across the road, it was so thick and dense.  But we knew it was there.  There are times when the fog we experience in life seems thick and soupy and we need to convince ourselves that things will work out.  Somehow. Are you going through a soupy time right now? Jesus says to us, "I'm here."  Love, heidi