Your will, not mine

"(Jesus) said, 'Abba, Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; yet not what I want, but what you want.'"

Mark 14:36

 

The other day I was fervently praying for an intention.  I was making it REALLY clear to God what I want.  I was emphatic. But, at one point, quite surprisingly, I thought of Jesus praying, "Not my will, but yours be done." I wasn't convinced, really and it was too hard to say. I found it particularly hard to pray for God's will if it differs from my own.  But surely, God will want what I want...won't God? How often are we sure we have it all figured out and we pray for what we know is the right thing to bring God glory and then, no, that's not what happens.  It is very difficult to pray for God's will if it differs from our own, but that is what Jesus did and he modeled that for us.  Fr. James Martin notes in "Jesus: A Pilgrimage," that Jesus prayed three times before coming to "Yet your will, not mine." Even Jesus expressed his desire honestly to his Father, before getting to the place where he could say, "Not my will."  As I was praying that day, though I got very choked up and it was very hard, I finally came to, "Your will, O Lord, not mine." It felt rather grown up, really.  It felt like I'd crossed a threshold.  My trust is in the Lord.  Your will be done.  Love, heidi